The Bank Shall Stand for Now

old bank

I am in this horrific war with my emotions.  Everything about our beloved bank from the day we bought it up to this point, has been all emotionally decided.  Now that the reality has set in and the numbers keep coming, along with the surprising costs, I can’t help but feel defeat.  I won’t lie, the odds are stacked against us.  The town is nothing big, the building has nothing but costly repairs, much due to it’s age, and our bank account doesn’t want to triple in size overnight.  Much less any night for that matter.

I am at a crossroad.  So many comments made about us regretting our decision.  Do we still have the plans, you should have never bought that project.  This runs through my head on a daily basis.  I can’t help but feel like I gave everyone high hopes and then let them down.  We are 2 years in and still no major update to give.  At this point, everything we do have done, is just an effort to keep the building intact.  No further damage to be caused.

But I’m a mom.  We are parents to 3 beautiful babies that have needs too.  And as they get older they need more.  As our current business grows, that needs more.  Our home needs more.  We started with this dream. Growing like a wild fire inside, only to realize, there may not be anymore wood leftover to burn off from.  I’m pretty sure, some days my husband looks at me and thinks, “Why in the hell did I ever agree to this!?”.  He never says it, but I know he thinks it.

The county has made things even more difficult by changing our taxes on the property and charging insane amounts of money more each year just for this run down-in-desperate-need-of-repair building.  But I just cannot let them tear this down.  I just can’t.

I am emotionally tired.  I am stretched to the max.  I cannot divide my time anymore to even work just a little.  Every dollar we have is planned out carefully for our future and unfortunately nothing is left over for the bank.  I don’t know where else to go.  At this point, this one dream is very quickly fading.  I have to come to terms with it.  I have to emotionally detach myself.  Because in the end, all the matters are my kids and my husband and their happiness too.  We are not millionaires.  We are not hero’s.  We are just this regular husband and wife, with this beautiful family, with regular jobs.

I don’t like to think of this as defeat.  I hope someday, someone does repair this beautiful building and hold on to this rich history.  I hope people do not forget what this building means.  What it meant to have in this little town.  It wasn’t a large bank, but it helped a lot of people fund their farms, their homes, their businesses.  It has every right to be repaired and to continue to stand in this community.  I just don’t think we can be the ones to get that done.

As my eyes fill up with tears, I can only hope you all could forgive us.   I hope you can understand.  Yes, I can still see this beautiful clear picture of what I dreamed it to look like.  I can see the large window in the front, beautiful chandeliers dangling from the original tin ceilings, the 2 brick archways standing tall in the front, black shutters next to the tallest windows, and the bank vault fully stripped and restained to it’s original color.   I can see a beautiful patio next to the building with people gathering for an afternoon lunch break and many reading the names scratched on the brick.  Though it may be a small building, it would hold many guests and so much more history.

I hold faith that there is a plan.  There is a plan for us and for this building.  It’s just now right now.  It’s not very clear yet.  There will be many questions left unanswered.  We will step in one day at a time.  And whatever happens is what it should be.

Comments

  1. sherry willard says:

    does the bank fall into the category of a historical building and is there funding programs for restoring

    • Possibly. We have looked into this option. Unfortunately, from what we’ve read and have been told by contractors who have used this, the amount of paperwork, inspections, and rules that are needed just to qualify, is just too much for us to handle right now.

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